F L A S H B A C K (by @almond_daughter)

'Collecting the fun' for my Magpie Book, in conceptualizing F-L-A-S-H-B-A-C-K, I wanted to reflect on the page below; it illustrates a technique I practice every day as part of my recovery from depression and body dysmorphia. The medium of table-top games implies casualty and free communication, and I wanted to play with this advantage. I applied it to what feels completely counterintuitive – I attempted to reallocate ‘fighting inner demons’ into ‘having fun together.’  

          We all share unpleasant, hurtful experiences that subconsciously shape our present—like coding. Some more foolish and detrimental than others, these codes are entrenched in complex processes of socialization and finding acceptance in day-to-day scenarios. You can think of F-L-A-S-H-B-A-C-K as Franz Ruppert’s ‘Who Am I in a Traumatised and Traumatising Society?’ in a game format. Different levels of closeness will bring about different types of gameplay. The aim is for the players to experience a collaborative ‘therapy session:’ by deconstructing cannon memories and familiar circumstances into bizarre, estranging scenarios, where they can recognize their ability to detach from trauma, find then accept responsibility for its place in society together. F-L-A-S-H-B-A-C-K turns traumatic memories into a reflection of the past that feels non-threatening; it wants to encourage teamwork in clearing minds and, by this means, creating a better reality.

All of @almond_daughter’s games so far have been made for girls from the perspective of a girl (though anyone is meant to have a healing experience from playing iykyk). Inspired by friendships and female relationships, the tone of the game is meant to be conversational and compassionate but also fun in a satirical, occasionally confrontational way. Molded as a Y2K magazine spread, F-L-A-S-H-B-A-C-K thematizes girlhood: beauty, secrets, late-night chats, and glitter. The character-building section, for example, is designed to resemble the silly ‘who are you’ compatibility quizzes. It engages the hottest celebrities of the time as both popular role models AND vessels of toxic standards for beauty and success, as well as ridiculous superstitions that are universally sold to everyone (really) by older generations – anxious mothers, uncles, and grandmas. By customizing their characters (or being randomly subjected to them), the players are pushed to self-reflect by embodying conventionality and think of how it informs their behavior.  

F-L-A-S-H-B-A-C-K is still fabulist and immersive – it builds off of imagination. As a dream team, the players discover their way around an ‘EVIL SPIRIT’ that possesses souls and turns humans into monsters by making them act according to its laws. What inspired the EVIL SPIRIT? Patriarchal belief. It encourages self-doubt, jealousy, abuse, and hurtful words in our closest ones, using all of us as its monsters to spin trauma in generational cycles. While it is impossible to completely clear the world from this EVIL SPIRIT, the dream team can unite to protect their purposes and dreams together. 

One of the rules of the game is to stay, first of all, honest with yourself and others and, second, to always prioritize yourself (even if it suggests letting go of possessed souls that were once close). An alternative way is to recognize that the EVIL SPIRIT only exists in hiding. You can win a Vulnerability Token to ‘demilitarize’ the EVIL SPIRIT and rescue souls through DIRECT confrontation, restricted in dealing with the spirit as part of the game. However, the only way of obtaining the token is to share a genuine story from your own life related to the ongoing episode. This mechanic is planned to inspire players to open up and bring their experiences together to a safe space, where they can win over apocalyptic monstrosity by acknowledging its presence in everyone’s lives. Not ready to look inside yourself to find the EVIL SPIRIT? It has to stay with you forever. Whether to accept that or not is an individual choice. 

This points to another important mechanic of the game – its emphasis on individual goals. As part of the rules and character-building, the player is stuck with a ‘life purpose.’ As important as teamwork is in creating a meaningful experience, to be successful in the game, each player is pushed to navigate priorities and build personal boundaries based on what they deem important. 

As its creator, I hope F-L-A-S-H-B-A-C-K, as a far extension of my own coping mechanism, can encourage bravery in its potential players to attempt finding keys to their own minds and learn new ways of healing by enabling cooperative reflexivity, connection, and endless-endless-endless empathy toward oneself and others – players or anyone else entangled in the game’s broader themes. AND IT IS FUN, I promise!